Eat Your Weedies, Boys and Girls!

I ain’t talking about munchin’ on your ganja, Mon (though you could). I’m talking about foraging and eating wild greens instead of expensive grocery store veggies. It’s the perfect thing for when you’re living in a van down by the river.

Why Wild Greens Are the Answer

Thing about van life is, vegetables can be a challenge. Money is tight. Storage space is tight. Prep is a pain in the ass. Cleanup is a pain in the ass. Plus most store-bought vegetables suck.

But ya’ll know eating your greens is good for you: vitamins, fiber, antioxidants, and phyto-what-the-fucks. Even if they taste like crap.

So what Vanholio does a lot of times is scrounge around for wild greens near my van camp. Shit, dandelions and clover are fuckin’ everywhere! And you don’t even need to eat much neither, ‘cause wild greens are packed with what your body needs.

Why just yesterday, I stuffed a big mug full of clover greens and blossoms. I tried to munch ‘em like a salad, but they were kind of tough and peppery. So I just wilted them down in my world famous peanut butter ramen, and I didn’t hardly notice them as I ate.

How to Find Edible Wild Greens – and Not Get Poisoned

There’s lots of edible wild greens you’ll recognize all over. At bottom are links and a video how-to.

But lots of plants is edible, even if they don’t go down easy. And your taster is a natural poison detector. Nibble just a tiny bit. General rule is: If it’s real, real bitter, or it burns or numbs your tongue and/or lips, don’t eat more. That’s your body saying it’s bad for you.

Here’s some other things to avoid if you don’t know the plant:

• Milky or discolored sap
• Spines, fine hairs, or thorns
• Beans, bulbs, or seeds inside pods
• Bitter or soapy taste
• Dill, carrot, parsnip, or parsley-like foliage
• “Almond” scent in the woody parts and leaves
• Grain heads with pink, purplish, or black spurs
• Three-leaved growth pattern

Now, some things you can eat do have the qualities above, but those are still helpful when you ain’t quite certain.

Final notion: Don’t pick greens right next to busy roads or where a lotta dogs been shittin’.

What About in Winter, Cities, and Deserts?

You can usually find edible wild greens just about everywhere, even in winter, even in parks, even in the dryest desert. But if you plain can’t, or it’s just too much trouble, here’s another idea for ya. Why not just eat dry herbs and teas? Ain’t tea a leafy green? Ain’t basil, thyme, parsley, and so on just greens? (Yeah, and your ganja, too.) You can find nutritional info on somma that shit online, and it's impressive!

When I don’t feel like foraging around, or buying and prepping store vegetables, I just grind up herbal or regular teas real fine and brew ‘em up. I’ll take in the fiber as I drink it. I do the same thing sometimes with seasoning herbs, just mixing them around in V8 and chugging.

Living in a van down by the river ain’t no excuse not to eat healthy. Even if you’re poor ass broke.

Hey, Beer Vanholio! He works hard on this blog.

Also See …

Eat the Weeds and Other Things Too (eatttheweeds.com)
62 Edible Wild Plants That You Didn't Know You Can Eat (Basis Gear)
Surviving in the Wild: 19 Common Edible Plants (artofmanliness.com)
Eating Roadkill Rabbit Down by the River